40-50% of married couples in the US end up with a divorce or separation, statistics say. And that is why it would be nice to know what the secret formula of maintaining a great family. Researchers tried to answer this question and found out that all couples fight, but happy ones do it in a special way.
We at Bright Side keep searching for studies that can help you improve your relationship and want to share some new findings.
There are fights to fight and fights to find a solution.
First of all, if you argue, this doesn’t automatically make you unhappy. Everyone argues. Researchers say all married couples, happy and unhappy, stress about this. And even their topics are similar: children, money, in-laws, and a lack of romance or physical intimacy.
A good question arises as to why quarrels in some families don’t create a disaster. Researchers suggest that a solution-oriented approach to any conflict can make a big difference. They don’t fight just to fight, but happy couples try to find a way out. So this is probably time to ask yourself if you run away after an explosion of emotions or not.
The problems happy couples prefer to discuss
The team observed 2 groups of married couples. One group was of 57 couples in their mid-to-late 30s who had been married for an average of 9 years. The second group consisted of 64 couples in their early 70s who had been married an average of 42 years.
Both happily married groups were asked to rank their problems. So intimacy, household, leisure, communication, and money were the most serious. For older couples, they also mentioned health issues. The not-so-serious topics consisted of jealousy, family, and religion.
After a while, the team noticed, while observing the participants, that they preferred to discuss problems that have reasonable solutions. The researchers found out that all couples were more focused on the distribution of household chores and how to spend their leisure time.
The happy couples almost never chose to discuss problems that were hard to resolve. Also, the more time you invest in solving issues, the more you are successful in finding optimal solutions, according to scientists.
The topics happy couples prefer to avoid
Happy couples pick a strategy of avoiding the most stressful problems, according to the study. Physical intimacy and health are among the least discussed topics. And there is a reason for this. We can’t easily open up these issues without hurting the feelings of the other person. You may make them feel ashamed or too vulnerable.
Happily married couples do care about how their partners feel emotionally.
The more you’re married, the less you argue.
As a bonus, researchers also have noticed the connection between happiness and marriage duration. The longer you’re together, the fewer problems and fights you have. So basically with time, couples decide to choose their battles wisely.
Which problem is the easiest for you to talk about with your partner? Have you noticed that you have fewer quarrels over time?