There are 4 important stages every girl should go through together with her mother, according to the psychologist and author of popular books for women, Olga Valyaeva. She describes them in her book, The Destiny to Be a Mother, in which she claims that only when all of these stages are completed, a healthy relationship can be reached.
We at Bright Side consider family to be one of the key values in life, so we’re eager to share this author’s insights with you.
Elements: the permanent need for a mother’s care and love
Tasks: to create a strong bond between a mother and a daughter and to have a happy childhood
Risks of being stuck at this stage: staying too dependent on the mother, never finding yourself or truly growing up
Happy childhood memories, and especially good relationships with parents, are crucial for a person’s life. Some research even suggests that it leads to better health and cognitive abilities in the future.
Elements: ongoing arguments, the creation of one’s own life views, and standing up for themselves
Tasks: formation of a personality
Risks of being stuck at this stage: arguing all the time and always trying to prove you know everything better than your mom
Psychologists explain that children of this age “talk back” because they’re starting to question their parents’ authority, and they test their own ideas in order to find alternative solutions and become responsible for their own decisions.
Elements: the independent life of a daughter and the weakening of a connection
Tasks: to realize what life looks like without the mom
Risks of being stuck at this stage: losing the very unique relationship with their mom forever
While most parents claimed they did enough to encourage their children’s independence, research shows that overinvolvement leads to the opposite process, which is why a daughter’s initiative and motivation are very important to overcome this stage.
4. Gratitude and respect
Elements: becoming close friends with their mom
Tasks: to reach a true understanding with their mother and realize her value
Finalizing these stages and receiving such a high level of connectedness with a mother leads to so many advantages for a daughter, one of them being — as the research shows — a high level of self-esteem.
What stage of the relationship are you and your mother currently in? What problems do you have and how does it impact your life?